Heart to Heart
Saturday, January 20, 2018 - January 26, 2018
I have a GF (Thai) who is hinting to me
that she would like to have a romp with another woman. I just sort of pretended
I didn’t hear her so let it go for the present. Now she is hinting again, even
to the point of saying that one of the women in her circle of friends likes
having it on with another woman. I’m not really sure I like this idea. We’ve
only been together for four months and I really don’t know where this could
lead. Any suggestions?
Your GF is telling you loud and clear,
Petal. She is bisexual, which in itself is no big deal. The only big deal is the
fact that you are afraid of it. Women having a relationship with another woman
is much more common than you men know (or understand). Since you have strong
misgivings, I think you should quietly back out of the relationship. There’s
plenty of ladies who are more attracted to males.
Erectile Dysfunction seems to be the
talking point in the bars after golf these days. Seems there are a few “cures”
for the wobble in the driver, is this correct?
I am sure you sent this using a
pen-name. Nobody with a driver with a wobbly shaft would use their own name, I
am sure. I asked around for you, and yes there are many treatments, though not
all are “cures”. That’s the good news, but it isn’t something you do at home,
Petal. Dr Iain tells me that Bangkok Hospital Pattaya have a new Urology Center
with a whole range of willy stiffeners. That sounds a better place to get
correct information rather than the after-golf bar.
You’ll probably tell me I got what I
deserved but I took a lady home and when I woke up in the morning she had gone.
That was OK, but so was my wallet gone. She left a note to say she had taken the
1,000 baht I had in the wallet for the taxi and would see me in the bar for the
rest of her money (we had agreed on 2,000). I went to the bar that night but
they told me she had gone up country for New Year. Will I get my money back?
I am confused. Did you get the wallet
back again? By my reckoning you owe her B. 1,000, not she owes you, but then
mathematics was never my best subject. I would drop by the bar every couple of
days and also tell the Mamasan what has happened. She will know what is
happening. Lots of luck.
I was told many years ago that you
shouldn’t let your wife’s family come to stay with you, even just for a few
days, as it always ends up for weeks or months. I thought I was lucky because it
never happened to me. Now, her brother and her cousin and her mother all staying
in the house with us. They all stay in the one room which I think is a bit
unhealthy, and they’ve been here for three months and there’s no sign of them
leaving. They are quiet and do help around the house and garden, but this wasn’t
what I really expected. I asked my wife about it but she just says it’s OK and
they’ll be going soon after they brother and cousin have got jobs and mother is
just having a holiday. What’s the next move, Hillary? Enough’s enough, surely.
Harry the House Husband
Dear Harry the House Husband,
You are now starting to see a little of
what Thai society is all about, my Petal. Family reigns supreme, and it is usual
for them all to sleep in the same room. It’s not unhealthy. It is Thai. When you
got married, you joined a Thai family, much more than your wife joining your UK
family. After all, you married a Thai lady and chose to live in Thailand. You
would have to expect that Thai culture will be dominant. You can try voicing
your reluctance to have them there, but be prepared for difficulties. This is
your wife’s immediate family. You can always try to find them jobs – in a far
away city. Lots of luck!
What is the situation with Thai law when
you split from a live-in girlfriend? Does she have any legal rights to your
property, cars, houses and such? I’ve been with this girl for about a year, but
it’s time to change, but she’s already got the hand out and wants the house and
the car. Hand them over, or tough it out? What is your advice?
You are asking the wrong person, Petal.
This is Hillary, with heart balm for those injured in love, not a lawyer
specializing in marital problems, even though some days it seems like it. Since
you went into the relationship, apparently knowing there would be a time to move
on (“time to change” you wrote), then you should have been clever enough to
protect your interests. See a lawyer.
Saturday, January 13, 2018 - January 19, 2018
Hope you made it into 2018 safely. I am
told that old people have to be very careful and not fall as they can break
their hips. My Mum had one when she was 60 and it took her a long time to
get over it. My problem is these Thai women that seem to grow up wanting the
cake as well as eating it. My woman has been with me for four years and we
were getting along fine, I was even thinking of marriage. May as well as I
was already looking after the kid (hers, not mine). She started to get a bit
shifty, coming home late, friend invited her to a party, fell asleep in the
massage parlor, all these kind of excuses. Eventually comes out she’s got
some bloke on the side, called a Gik. But it was OK as all her friends had
one. I wasn’t going to put up with that nonsense so she got her marching
orders. Felt sorry for the kid, but maybe she’ll think a bit first before
following the friends. Am I being too hard, Hillary.
No, I don’t think you’re being too
hard. Trust is necessary in any partnership, and yours ran out of it.
However, you have to be a bit more careful in future. One of my regulars
read your letter, and suggested that in Thailand, love is spelled ‘M O N E
Y’. You can be the ugliest stinking fat slob in town and there’s a girl on
‘Line’, ‘Craigslust’ or the ubiquitous jungle honeys at Thai Friendly etc.,
who just loves... your money. It ain’t luck chum ... it’s all and only about
the baht. Walk into any bar with a wad wrapped around your organ and don’t
be shocked how the Nam Pheung attracts the loving butterfly. Thank you Jay
West for the advice.
You had some guy sending 50 thousand
baht to one of the local women he sees twice a year. Suckers are born every
moment. Even if he was shown how she was scamming him he would still not
believe them. Always the same, she is different than the rest. No she’s not.
Unfortunately I have to say I agree
with you. His 50K is not needed for groceries, that’s for sure. If I thought
he would listen, I would send him my bank account number as well. Veuve
Clicquot has been somewhat out of my price range this year. Read “Every
One of the receptionists in our company
is very attractive and I would like to get to know her better, but I have a
problem. I am not the pushy type, so can’t just go up to her and ask her
out. She knows my name even though we have 600 on staff, and if I meet her
walking into work she is always very chatty and will hold my arm with her
hand. She doesn’t wear any rings, so I don’t think she is married or
anything like that. She did ask the other day what happened to her Xmas
present, and I almost fell over, but mumbled something like it wasn’t ready.
I know, I missed my opportunity again. Do you think she is interested? What
is the next move, and please don’t say just to go and ask her out. I get
Dear Bashful Bob,
I feel for you, my Petal. I really
do. A real gentleman. You are from the UK I presume and it is nice to see
you aren’t one of those dreadful lager louts that populate the bars this
time of year. Even though Thai people are very welcoming and friendly, this
girl seems to be giving you a message. You don’t need to be brave to buy her
a box of chocolates and quietly present them to her on Christmas. Or if that
is too much, just leave them on her desk. Put a card with them saying “From
Bob” and your phone number. If she rings you to thank you, then ask her out
for dinner to nice restaurant. Not over the top, but one where you can chat
and get to know each other a little. However, if she refuses the chocolates,
just send them over to my office, marked “For my Darling Hillary”. I will
Can you recommend a good computer
technician? Every time my computer breaks down, the technician takes it away
to fix it, and returns it several days later and when I go to use it,
something else doesn’t work. “You haven’t got enough RAM,” seems to be the
catchword with these people, but even after buying more, the problems are
still there. Any ideas, Hillary?
Dear Sheep Station,
You’re lucky it’s only a RAM
problem. I’ve bought a veritable sheep station of RAMs and now they’re
telling me it is my operating system that is no good. I ask you, what’s
wrong with Windows 1946? It worked before, why not now? Honestly Petal, I
have no idea about this modern technology. Bring back faxes, I say. I could
Update Saturday, Jan. 6 - Jan. 12, 2018
Is the situation in Thailand as bad as I hear it to be? I
have been writing to a couple of ladies through a dating service and was going
to come out over Christmas to see them and make a choice. Eeny Meeny Miny Moe,
but reading about all the problems with these ladies I wonder if it is such a
good idea. I’m 55 and divorced, so I’ve had experience with ladies, it’s not as
if I’m 21 and wet behind the ears, yet I read of other blokes the same age as
me, and all they get is being ripped off. You seem to have a handle on what’s
going on. What do you think?
You are probably the ideal candidate to get ripped off,
my Petal. 55, unlucky in love, probably comfortably well off and working through
a dating agency. What are the women like that you’ve met in dating agencies in
your own country? All of them carting years of psychological baggage I imagine.
There is a common bond here – you are desperate and so are they. That is not
necessarily the best foundation for a life-long bond, is it? Having said all
that, I am sure there are some absolute gems in the dating agency files, but do
not, repeat do not, come over here at Xmas to “choose” which one of these lovely
ladies you will take as your blushing bride. See if you like either of them, see
if they really can speak English as good as the emails would suggest, and make a
promise to come back at Easter. And keep your wallet locked, don’t write your
PIN number on the back of your credit card, and stay away from the bars.
Probably not what you wanted to hear, but that’s my opinion. I thought I was
wrong once, but I was mistaken.
The wife of one of my husband’s friends will be coming to
visit Thailand next month, along with a couple of her girl friends. They would
all be in their 50’s, and shocked me when they wrote and said they wanted to see
a “sex show” while they are here. Do you think it’s proper for me to take them
to some of the more outrageous places, or what? I’m really blown away by this.
What do you recommend, Hillary?
Dear Blown Away,
There is nothing to worry about, my dear. Everybody
knows we don’t have sex shows in Thailand. The nice policeman told me so. If
you’re really worried, get your husband to take them, he’ll know where to go.
We are often in Thailand and the one thing that completely
confuses me is the subject of tipping – when and how much? If the establishment
charges a “service” fee, should you tip as well? What do you do as someone
living there, for example? I believe that the wages are not high for some of the
people in bars and restaurants and they need the tips, but I do not want to
throw money away either? What’s your tip about tipping?
Dear Terrie Tipper,
There are three situations here – Service Charge or no
Service Charge and VAT on top. If the establishment adds on 10 percent (the
usual amount), then as far as I am concerned – that’s the tip. There are some
places that no doubt pocket the Service Charge, but that’s not anything of our
doing, nor can we change it. That is something between the employees and the
owners to work out. However, if I feel that the waiter or service provider has
gone well beyond that which could be expected, then I reward with a little extra
something for that person, irrespective. You know the sort of things I like – a
little fawning, groveling and lots of compliments. In an establishment that has
no standard add on Service Charge, then it really is up to you. Small change
left over or up to 10 percent is quite normal. The Thai people are grateful for
anything you leave them. It all adds up by the end of the day. VAT is a charge
between the establishment and the government, so that is fixed.
I read in your column about visitors being ripped off by
the ladies of the night. Does that happen? Or is it an excuse to cover drunken
spending? What is the best way to avoid problems? I’m not judging the ladies,
but is the problem as real as they say? I also hear about padded bar bills which
worries me as I do intend to spend quite a few nights at the bar. Real or rumor,
I suppose you’ve been told many time to Glyn and bare
it, so I’ll avoid the cheap joke. For newbies and those who don’t sign the back
of the bills, there is the opportunity to be ripped off, but now that you have
been made aware of the reality of life, you should be quite safe in the jungle.
And avoid wabbling home at 4 in the morning several sheets to the wind.