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Update November 2017


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Update by Natrakorn Paewsoongnern
 
 
 

Heart to Heart with Hillary

 

Update Saturday, Nov. 18 - Nov. 24, 2017

Dear Hillary,

I write in response to a letter in your 25th Oct edition on the ever-popular subject of Bargirl/Farang relationships from a gentleman who claims 47 years in Thailand.

I don’t know his social circle, but his comment that almost all retirees to Thailand are ‘functionally broken personalities’ is frankly risible and if he has indeed ‘seen it all’ little wisdom seems to have sunk in.

His frequent use of the word ‘Whore’ to describe bargirls also speaks volumes as this word is rarely used in a neutral or descriptive sense, but invariably to denigrate and demean - as indeed his tone and content showed.

However, I did not principally write to you (the first time I have ever written to a newspaper) to discuss his opinions, but to reflect that they are all too common and seem to be accepted by some as received wisdom on the subject of Farangs forming relationships with Thai bargirls.

I know you to be fair minded and open to other views, so here goes.

Please permit me to comment on what I observe and feel, as a corrective and balance to the endlessly repeated (and often exaggerated) horror stories, which invariably are also only giving one side of the tale. There are many, many thousands of successful and long lasting such relationships, often involving children, in Pattaya, Thailand and across the World.

As the manager of a popular Sports Bar in East Pattaya I see and meet them every day. Don’t believe me? Let me take you on the school run where many Farangs are picking up their Thai/Farang kids. This being Pattaya I’ll bet my pension a fair percentage of the mothers are ex-bargirls. Sure, some Bargirls are bad, some very bad, but many are also good with a surprisingly large number of them very good for the right guy who treats them well and is true.

My advice, for what it’s worth. Take your time - like any partnership, work at it, understand the culture with tolerance, watch out for red flags and remember that long-distance relationships rarely last i.e: recognize you will either have to move to Thailand or take her back to Farangland.

Last and not least, try to be faithful - even in Pattaya - the inability of some chaps to keep their trousers up is the number 1 reason I’ve seen for partnership troubles - far more than any bad behavior by the Lady.

But there are times in life when you have to take a risk for happiness, I did and my ex bargirl and I are blissfully married after 8 years together and was the best thing I’ve ever done - a much more common story than some suppose. Of her close friends when I met her in the bar, one is married and pregnant in Sweden, one settled in Australia, a third living in Korat with her German partner and the fourth still bar-working.

If the relationship fails, unless you have been particularly stupid, what have you lost? A scar on the heart and a bit of cash, with the plus point of time in the company of a lovely, sexy young Thai woman and a million warm memories.

Sorry for going on, but the constant negativity does grate after a time, happy couples don’t normally talk about it much to newspapers or on the internet, so the whole subject is often distorted and the nay-sayers have the field to themselves.

I’m aware some feel the need to warn others of the dangers, fair enough - however patronizing this can be, but I do sometimes wonder how many potentially wonderful and happy partnerships are nipped in the bud because the chap has been frightened off by all the doom and gloom from the ‘know-it-alls’.

Dave Darkside.

 

Dear Darkside Dave,

You are certainly an avid observer of human beings, from behind your sports bar, while polishing the glasses. I am sorry I did have to hack a chunk out of your letter, it was a little lengthy. Unfortunately, as you point out, the happy couples are not known for gracing the pages of this newspaper, but those with an axe to grind certainly do. It is impossible to guess just how many Farang-Thai relationships fail, but when you look at statistics from other countries, failure rates are around 50 percent. I also note that you look at marriage with a Thai lady as a financial partnership. The old fashioned concept of “love” doesn’t come into it. A bit sad really.

 

Dear Hillary,

I’m a bit new to Thailand, so I’m probably not the first to ask this, but why do Thai women sit sideways on motorcycles? Have they always done this? You would never see anything like this in England, so it really blows me away every time.

Sideways Sam

 

Dear Sideways Sam,

You seem to have your eyes open here, but you must have had them closed in the UK. Go to any horsey event and you will see the women riding side-saddle. Even the Queen of England rode side-saddle. However, how can a woman in a short skirt look polite and decorous with the hem hitched up above the hips, and legs either side of motorcycle (or horse or elephant)?


Update Saturday, Nov. 11 - Nov. 17, 2017

Dear Hillary,

I never thought of myself as a prude, but what do you think of the way these girls dress round here. Or maybe I should have said “undress” round here. Every day I see girls with dresses so short it barely covers their panties and when they go up escalators, nothing is left to the imagination. While they dress like that, they are asking to be molested. The boy is the one who gets in trouble, but it is these girls who taunt the boys with the sexy dresses that cause the trouble. Do you agree with me Hillary?

Jack

 

Dear Jack,

I’m sorry Jack, but while I agree some girls here dress in a very sexually alluring manner, and it is the girl who gets pregnant is also in trouble. If the society accepts the dress code which worries you, it means the girls’ parents have given their agreement. I believe it is back to sex education for the boys and the girls. I might also suggest you stop being an ‘up-skirt voyeur’. You are not a prude – you are a Dirty Old Man.

 

Dear Hillary,

You may think this request is too simple to publish, but I am sure my problem is one suffered by many young men in this country. I am from the UK, here for a couple of years, and am enjoying just being with such nice people (and the nice girls). Here’s the problem, I have met a right stunner. She is super and works in an office near mine, in the same building. I have done the homework through the Thai staff in the office, and she’s not married or attached or anything like that, but here’s the problem. She doesn’t speak English. I really want to get close to this woman (she really turns me on), but I haven’t got enough Thai to be able to chat her up or anything. What’s the next step, Hillary?

Pasa Angkrit

 

Dear Pasa Angkrit,

What a wonderful pseudonym you have chosen, Pasa Angkrit indeed (‘English language’ for those who cannot speak Thai). But what a dilemma! Here you are, hormones raging at the thought of this nice young woman who really turns you on, even though you have never spoken to her, or even got close enough to smell her perfume! And you don’t know how to pop the question. Or any question, for that matter. You have just discovered a simple and inescapable fact, my Petal. The country you are in for the next two years and the country the woman lives and works in, is called Thailand. That’s not tongue tie-land, either. This is her country, and the language she speaks gets her everywhere she wants to go, and everything she wants to do. There is a lesson for you here. If you want to get to know this Thai lady, then go and learn some basic Thai. After a few lessons, go and try it out on her (the language, Petal, the language). If she thinks you are a nice chap, she will even help you with the pronunciations. However, if she doesn’t respond, then you have to accept the fact that you didn’t make her hormones explode, the way she made yours. Best of luck with the language course. That is “Chok dii” as you will learn in lesson 2.

 

Thank you so much for your reply to a previous e-mail where I had implied that I can’t get a bird in a brothel! I took your advice, went into a bar and slapped 2,000 baht on the table and shouted “OK birds, I am over here, come and get it!” And did they... they were all over me, and it was all going fine. I had a great time. However, it slipped out! It had to I suppose! What can I do! I didn’t mean to do it, but a ‘gnaam’ just slipped out. I think it was followed by a ‘lie der’. That was it, a deathly silence. Then one of the birds said “Falang Laos” and the party was over. Oh dear, I’ll try again next week. You lucky people that only speak English! Regards,

I aint bovvered

 

Dear I aint bovvered,

Despite your hiding behind your pseudonym of ‘I aint bovvered’, I get the distinct impression that you are very ‘bovvered’ by it all. Otherwise you wouldn’t continue writing to me with your tales of woe, would you Possum? Re-reading your email, I am glad it was just a ‘gnaam’ that slipped out. For a while there I thought you were trying to make pun of me. I also get the distinct impression that you are an antipodean with that quaint way to refer to the bar girls as “birds”. The only way the ladies of the night are similar to our feathered friends is that some of them have been known to go “Cheep Cheap” under certain financial conditions and good at midnight flights under other conditions. Do try again later, but is your English really English? It doesn’t seem that you are all that lucky. Best of luck and ‘kaneedur’.


Update Saturday, Nov. 4 - Nov. 10, 2017

Dear Hillary,

Is there something wrong with me? Every night I go out, and that’s most nights, I meet some of the most beautiful girls in the world and I fall in love again and again and again. This would be OK if I could remember which bar and which girl, but when I go back the next day there’s even more beauties and I go through it all again. Is this something that happens to all holidaymakers, or am I just lucky (or unlucky)? I say unlucky because it all seems to be costing me a lot of money, and Thailand is supposed to be a cheap place to come to for your holidays.

Confused

 

Dear Confused,

You certainly are a confused holidaymaker, aren’t you, my Petal. However, Thailand is still cheap, provided you don’t eat steak or drink petrol, but it is your ‘kid in the candy store’ approach to life that is draining your wallet. I am also sure that you are drinking Love Potion Number 9, which in Thailand is generally sold in green bottles and the lovely ladies in the bar will be making sure you get enough for maximum effect. Do you remember the gorgeous young thing, with her hand on your leg, saying, “Wun moah beeyah?” That is neither Thai nor Isaan dialect, but is the universal bar girl’s approach to ensuring intoxication in their “lub you for ebber tee rak” of the evening. Not only does Love Potion Number 9 affect your vision, but it also aids in the opening of your wallet and causes large denominations of money to fall out. If you are very lucky, your credit card will not fall out as well, because Love Potion Number 9 also aids in helping you reciting PIN numbers after several bottles are consumed. My advice is to only drink at the bar within 50 meters of your hotel (there will be at least two within that radius) and to only have 1,000 baht in your wallet before going out.

Dear Hillary,

Where do all the dozeys come from that write in for help? Every week they bob up with another ridiculous problem. Thailand is the easiest place in the world to live in, so why do they have so many problems? They should thank their lucky stars they are able to live here, instead of moaning all the time. I live here and do everything here and I don’t have any problems.

Living and Loving It

 

Dear Living and Loving It,

I am so pleased you are so pleased with yourself, Petal. I take it that ‘humility’ is your middle name. Really, it is time that you learned that not everyone is as fortunate as yourself, and for many, Thailand is not such an easy place, with strange customs, language problems and many distractions and traps for the unwary. Have you never bought a buffalo, or bought a young lady a drink? You should thank your lucky stars you have come through it all so easily.

 

Dear Hillary,

I am 45 years old and I consider myself to be a fairly normal person. Married with a couple of kids and ask anybody and they would say I’m a happy person, but I’m not. It sounds stupid, but I have got the hots for the maid at work. We smile every day, but it’s got no closer than that, but I feel that she is returning my smiles with more than just being polite. I have not been game enough to speak to her or even touch her as I have a good, well paid, responsible position at work and I would not want to lose that. The other thing is my husband also works for the same company, and I wouldn’t want to hurt him, even though life at home is pretty boring these days. What should I do, Hillary? I can’t ask anyone else, and sorry if I haven’t signed this letter, but I am sure you understand why.

(No Name)

 

Dear No Name,

You already know what to do, my Petal. This whole thing is just a flight of fancy. Many women at your age wonder what it would be like to have an affair (with either sex) and you are beginning to imagine something out of the ordinary, and transferring your emotions to this poor maid at work, who you have not even spoken to. Does this sound the logical way a woman in a “responsible position at work” would carry on? Mrs. No Name, stop daydreaming, let the maid carry on her job without being jeopardized by you, and just realize that this is a passing phase in your own life. If things have become boring in the family home, then start making life less boring. Take time to go to the movies or a picnic on the beach, or a drive to the zoo. There is plenty for you to do, responsibly, that will not hurt your own job, or your husband’s. Take heart in the fact that you are not abnormal, you are just reacting foolishly to what are some of the normal things in life.

      


HEADLINES [click on headline to view story]

Update Saturday, Nov. 18 - Nov. 24, 2017

Update Saturday, Nov. 11 - Nov. 17, 2017

Update Saturday, Nov. 4 - Nov. 10, 2017

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