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Update August, 2019

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Heart to Heart with Hillary


Heart to Heart - Friday August 9, 2019 - August 15, 2019

What’s the real story?

Dear Hillary,

It has always amazed me that your readers can get up to such impossible situations that they end up having to ask you to get them out of their problems.  It must be very wearing.  How do you keep smiling?


Dear Alfie,

What a dear sweet boy you are.  Yes, it is difficult and wearing, and nobody during my training as an Agony Aunt told me it would be like this.  However, if it doesn’t kill you, you get stronger as you get older, and I don’t think there is any situation I haven’t met by now.  But you haven’t told me, Alfie, why have you sent me an email?  You are not worrying about others who write to me – you are getting ready to write to me about your problems, when you are brave enough.  I am waiting, Petal.


Buying the whole herd

Hi Hillary,

After nine visits I came to conclusion that beach road girls and bar girls are the same, they hate men and they hate sex but they act like they do for the money.  Renting a girl "Mia chow" for a month with salary is very, very boring cause they speak very little street English and hang with you for 24 hours with nothing to talk about. 6 hours of sleep a night and one hour of "boom boom" leaves you with 17 hours of boredom.

I would not rent a bar girl mainly because God knows how many men she had.  Bar girls are life saving for an ugly fat and very old tourist who would pay any price for a young girl who makes him feel thin young and attractive.  After a month the man realizes the price quadruples after feeding the girl, buying her clothes and all her needs.  And of course for her "sick" mother and a father who need "surgery" and her brother had a motocy "accident" and money for her baby - all endless lies.

For that price the man could have 20 girls for a one night stand.  Variety is a spice of life.  You don't buy a whole herd just for a glass of milk.


Dear Bazz (or is it really Barry?),

You certainly do have a boring life, don’t you Petal.  One hour of Boom Boom and six hours of sleep and the next 17 hours are boredom until the next day with Boom Boom, six hours of sleep and then bored.  I don’t know how your clothing shop girl puts up with you.  And your justification for not having a “mia chow” is that you can get 20 girls for a one night stand for the same money.  You are certainly one helluva athlete, as well as being “kee niow”.  Even at 4,000 baht a day for the mia chow (which I believe is four times the going rate) that means the 20 one night standers get a whopping 200 baht each.  Bazz, you are all heart and milk of human kindness (one glass, not the whole cow).


A honey from Soi Honey

Dear Hillary,

I started reading your e-letter reply to the many readers who are Farang Khon (sic).  I was at Soi Honey in August and met a girl while having a drink.  Incidentally, that day was her birthday and they had the whole deal – pig on a spit and balloons, and she showed me her ID to prove it though I did not asked for it. I am open to hearing anything.   As it was unexpected, I did not have a present at hand to give her.  However, I took out some "Ngern" and put it in her hand and wished her Happy Birthday.  I am touched by her sincerity.  When I was at Suvarnabhumi Airport going back to India where I am presently stationed, I messaged her but somehow it didn't get through due to connection problems.  Two days later I tried texting again and she received my message. We are now good friends and I told her that one's background is not an important criteria in friendship, but having a good heart matters more than anything else.  In short, one must have a positive mind when visiting a foreign country and extend a helping hand to those who work honestly for a living to support their families in the provinces, be it Sa Keow, Issan or Rayong.


Dear Jaffery,

I think you should be very careful, Petal.  What was your young lady doing in Soi Honey?  It isn’t one of our university sois.  She sounds very much like a professional chicken plucker to me, and you are ready to be plucked.  What makes you so sure that the lady has a “good heart”?  Do you usually accost someone in the street and say, “This is my birthday, and here’s my ID card to prove it.”  And ready to accept a cash deposit in her hot little hand.  Proceed carefully, Jaffery, or you will be sending me emails asking what do you do now, as far as the dowry is concerned.  BTW, it is Khon farang, not the other way around.

Heart to Heart - Friday August 2, 2019 - August 8, 2019

Bar Girls matter

Dear Hillary,

I enjoy reading your Column on my annual trips to Thailand, and would not question your expertise or your sound advice, but can I make just two points;-

1. If you are fortunate enough to find a good one - and they are out there - you have truly hit the jackpot.

2. Treat every girl in every bar with respect - I know it's all a bit of fun, but they are human beings, and not all are there by choice.

I know the odds are not good, but I took a chance over 30 years ago and have never for one second regretted it.

Alan W.

Dear Alan W,

Thank you for standing up for the Bar Girl cause, and I am delighted that your chance of 30 years ago has worked out so well.  You are also correct that the bar scene is “all a bit of fun”.  It is the fun aspect that keeps the whole thing going.  Unfortunately, many take the bar scene to be genuine.  By the time you cross cultural borders, age differences and all the other items in marriages, getting someone like your “good one” is a rarity.  Even you admit that the “odds are not good”.  We are agreeing on most things, so next time you are over, let’s have a glass of bubbles to celebrate.


Young Boy verses Old Girl

Dear Hillary,

I refuse to believe that people write in to you for advice.  You are just a figment of somebody’s imagination.  Come clean old girl.


Dear Mark,

The letter above yours (email actually, though I still get the odd paper letter) came in at the same time as your rude communication.  “Figment of somebody’s imagination” and then decides to point fingers at my age.  It’s you who must come clean young boy, or did you write it as a lark to see if I would reply?  The imagination was all yours.


User pays

Dear Hillary,

I read somewhere that all Thai girls want to get their hands in your pockets, and once they have cleaned you out, that’s it.  “No money, No Honey” as the T shirt says.  Is this really true?  I have met a few nice girls every time I’ve come over, and although I pay for everything when we’re out together, I think that’s natural.  I pay for everything back home when I take out a woman, so what’s the difference?

Confused Charlie

Dear Confused Charlie,

The difference is you get more fun out of the relationship here, my Petal, or that’s what I get told by my gentlemen friends.  It is nice to see there are still gentlemen in this world, and if you are paying, I’ll have a bottle of Veuve Clicquot when we go to dinner.  Of course you can have what you want as well, I’m not stingy.  Please let me know a week or so in advance, as I will have to fit you in to my crowded appointment book, though with promises of Veuve Clicquot you do go to the top of the waiting list.


Diploma in bra fasteners

Dear Hillary,

Is it the same all over the world that a woman will let you undress her, but they always do themselves up afterwards?  I’ve only got experience of the UK women and several Thai women, so that’s why I am wondering is it the same all over?


Dear Lothar.

Which I am sure is supposed to be short for “Lothario” with your “several Thai women”, are you having a joke, or making me think you must be a real stud?  Either way it falls flat, my Petal, just as you do.  The reason why your women dress themselves after a sweaty time with you, is that they cannot wait to get away from all your fumbling.  I’m sure you failed bra hooking and probably try to put knickers on backwards as well.  Can you blame us when we read such drivel?  (Mr. Editor, do I really have to put up with idiots like this one?)


Drinking under the table

Dear Hillary,

Sitting in a pub the other day, minding my own business and in comes this young Aussie chap, throwing his weight around, all boastful like.  You would have loved what happened next.  All the girls sucked up to him, and his big head was getting bigger, let alone any other sized head.  Drinks for everyone there, drinks for the girls, drinks for the cashier, and our big bronzed hero eventually fell to the floor, rat assed, while the girls were just happy.  Do you think there should be warning signs in bars, for people like him?


Dear Rabbie,

You’re not the Burns person are you?  Though I suppose if that were you, you would be several hundred years old.  What you witnessed was Karma, though I doubt if he would ever learn from the experience.  He will keep doing it till his piggy bank doesn’t rattle, and then go back to his country telling anyone who will stop and listen about how he took on a complete bar and outdrank them all.  Don’t worry, just keep the pot boiling while you can.


HEADLINES [click on headline to view story]

Heart to Heart - Friday August 9, 2019 - August 15, 2019

Heart to Heart - Friday August 2, 2019 - August 8, 2019