Heart to Heart
July 19, 2019 - July 25, 2019
I’ve been reading you for some time and it
seams (sic) to me that you’ve got a down on the bar girls. Why? They all
speak English and know how to keep a bloke entertained. They’d make a much
better wife than the stuck up society girls you are telling everyone to hook up
with. Time for you to be a bit more real old gal and stop knocking the working
girls. At least you don’t have to get permission from her parents to hold her
I think it is time you went through the
back copies of this illustrious newspaper, my Petal, and see and note what I
have really been saying. However, you are right, the bar girls do speak (some
kind of) English, and so I suppose if you are looking for a long term
relationship with a woman and you are happy with the in-depth conversations of
“Hello sexy man,” and “Sit down please” and “Buy me cola”, then you are in
paradise. This depends upon, of course, you having an endless supply of cola at
home, plus some cheap Thai whiskey to go with it and a rather large always-full
wallet. The “working girls” are just that – they are working and like all good
workers deserve their hire. What is forgotten in that heady rush of blood to the
brain is that you are doing exactly that – hiring. “Mia chow” (rented wife)
expects a monthly salary for her. It is not the more commonly thought of
“housekeeping” money. She will demand a salary, which is untouchable. Does this
make them a “better wife” as you claim? Each to his own, I suppose, but long
term liaisons with working girls do not have a good long term history, Pete.
What’s the go with the bikini bar girls? I
buy one a drink and she always has a friend who wants one too. Take one out of
the bar and you are hers for eternity, and look behind you if you ever take
another. The first one will be behind you with a sharp carving knife. I thought
that was the job, where she looked after the customer. You keep on saying that’s
how they make their money.
I’m not really sure what your point is
here, my Petal. Do you want a companion or not? When you go to the
‘professional’ end of town, you should expect to pay. Since you are the supplier
of the cash, they’re not going to let you go easily, but I think you’re a bit
OTT with the carving knife. You are too intense. Relax a little and spread the
I get different answers to my problem
depending on the different people I ask, so I hope you will excuse me for asking
you too. This is the first time my husband and I have been posted overseas, and
I am told we are expected to employ a maid. The HR people tell my husband that
we should pay her “whatever you want”. I don’t want to offer something too low,
but I don’t want to go over the top either.
A common question, Petal, especially
with newbies. I do understand your problem. The basic wage in Thailand is B. 300
a day so that’s your starting point. Now multiply by many days a week does she
work? Now come the add-ons or take offs if you like – does she sleep out, or do
you have a dedicated maid’s room? Does she eat in or eat out? Does she do her
laundry with your laundry? All these “savings” can be deducted from the basic
daily rate then multiplied by the number of days. I know it is a rough guide,
but it will get you somewhere in the ball park, and where you are happy with it.
My friends who have been to Pattaya before
tell me that you never lose your girl, you only lose your turn. I’m taking out a
real stunner right now and she said she would wait for me, but there is money
involved if she’s out of the bar and not earning. What do you think is a
reasonable monthly amount that she can live on till I come back in three months?
I don’t know which shower you came down
in, but you certainly have been hiding under a rock somewhere. Don’t you read my
column with all the terrible stories of lads like you who find the “I’m back in
the village” actually means “I’m at a new bar and please send the money soon
because my brother broke his leg in a motorcycle accident.” If you have already
donated to the leg fund, send the money to the buffalo fund. Please just go back
to your home town and never come to Thailand again. Or listen to your friends,
who have been listening to me.
July 12, 2019 - July 18, 2019
art at the bar
Every week there’s another farang that has been taken
to the cleaners by one of the beautiful little schemers from their local
hostelry. These girls must go to acting classes they are so good at it.
Nobody could be so good at it without lessons! Even movie stars have acting
lessons. Or do the lies come naturally. If so, how can any of us trust them?
And how do you stop falling in love with them. Acting classes again?
Sounds to me that you are the first of this week’s
tales of woe yourself. If you are referring to the bar girls, Petal, their
job is to empty the punters wallets, as quickly as possible. Time is money,
after all. Some of the older ones are very expert at this and can keep
several men on the line for years in some cases. The younger ones are too
urgent and just milk one customer at a time. Do they have training schools
for dramatic art? Yes, they have training schools, this is as in on the job
training. The younger ones watch the older and more experienced ladies of
the night twist the drinkers around their little fingers and then take them
away for intensive therapy, whereupon they return with an empty wallet and
then re-appear and beg for more the next day. The lady can oblige by milking
the cash machine after getting your PIN number. And so the money wheel is
oiled and ready to roll again. I agree with you where you say “how do you
stop falling in love with them?” It is difficult, but true and lasting love
doesn’t happen with two nights at your bar local bar and bar maids. You have
a better chance with mermaids.
Dial a Date?
Do these dating services use photos of the real girls?
I’ve replied to a couple which seemed to be in their late 50’s, not early
20’ as advertised. I’m not even sure if they were the ones I picked out.
They all say they can speak English, but after “Hello” that’s about it.
What do you expect to find in a dating agency? If a
girl is a raving beauty, do you think they have to join an agency? No, they
will have been snapped up years ago. For that matter, do you think ladies
under 40 are going to look for a partner through an agency? No, they will
continue to look around to see what is available, but by the time they get
to 50 they will have run out of available men so go to an agency, to look
just for you. Oh, the photograph. Yes, they are photos of real girls, but
about 30 years ago. And for that matter, if you are like Brad Pitt you
wouldn’t be looking at agency ladies either.
Dowries for non-virgins
I am being asked for a dowry for the girl who has been
living with me for three months now. I enjoy having her around, and we went
up to her home town to meet her folks. Her mother looks after her child from
a previous marriage. Her father has a small rice farm. My girl is now saying
that her parents expect us now to get married and we must go back to her
village for the marriage, and that I am expected to pay the dowry for her as
well as paying for the monks and the marriage ceremony and party. I asked
her how much did they expect and she tells me around 200,000 baht will cover
everything. Honestly Hillary, that is a lot of money, being a bit close to
4,000 pounds and the exchange rate is getting worse every day. I don’t know
that I really want to go through this at that sort of money. I understand
this may be the custom out here, but I want your opinion on it. I haven’t
got anyone else I can ask to get some sensible advice.
I am so tempted to reply “Where there’s a will,
there’s a wont” but I didn’t. The idea of dowries is very old fashioned,
going back several decades. It wasn’t money, but pigs, rice and buffalo.
Dowries were worked out to reimburse the parents for the loss of a virgin
daughter who worked on the family small-holding. In this case 200,000 baht
is a nonsense, I’m afraid. She has been married before and has a dependent
child which her mother looks after. Your blushing bride will be sending
money to her mother each month to look after the child. Don’t get sucked in
by all this, Petal. It is a con. The village “marriage” is not a legal
entity either, even in Thailand. Run, and never go near that village again.
Time to show your GF the door too, I’m afraid. And after three months
co-habitation (big word for a Friday) you may need to give the lady a
financial sweetener before she jumps of her boy friend’s motorcycle taxi.
Update July 5, 2019 - July 11, 2019
is a GF not a maid?
There’s a lot of blokes who write to you all worried about
money that their GFs ask them for. What’s wrong with these blokes? If you don’t
want to give them money, then don’t do it. If they leave then you know what it
was they wanted above everything else, so why fret? Good riddance for bad
rubbish I say.
You are a very romantic soul, aren’t you! You are not
describing a girlfriend, you are describing a maid. Big difference. Maids will
go to the highest bidder. Girlfriends are someone who contributes something to
the relationship. You have got the two confused, Petal. Stick with your maid
until a woman comes along who sets your heart on fire.
Stuck with a sideliner
You have often mentioned “sideline” girls as if they are
some sort of different species, so there’s bar girls, sideline girls and “good”
girls. Correct? You will have to help me here, Hillary. How do I find the
different ones? Or is there any real differences? There’s a big responsibility
on you here, Hillary. Lots of men in Pattaya will be directing their future
direction in life depending on your answer.
You men certainly make things difficult for yourselves,
don’t you, my Petal. Why is it so important that you put your latest girlfriend
into one of these three categories? Looks to me like finding witches in the
middle ages. Dunk the poor woman in water and if she doesn’t drown then she’s a
witch. If she does drown, it shows that she wasn’t a witch after all. But fat
lot of good that did for the non-witch who was dead by then! However, to make it
easier for you, here is the guaranteed Hillary’s Guide to Thai Girls. This guide
should be understood before going into the next category up. Starting at the
lower end – Bar Girls. Apply the British Standard Duck test here – if it looks
like a duck, swims like a duck, quacks like a duck, then it most probably is a
duck. A bar girl will go to bed with you after you pay the bar fine (Mamasan
will advise here). She will also want a plate of noodles that night and then
scarper with the first chink of light (after the agreed fee for services
rendered). Her main job is to work in the bar and get you to buy them copious
The sideliners are a little different. Their day job is
to work in the shop and afterwards get you to take them to an expensive dinner
in lieu of a bar fine. They will expect the equivalent of the bar girl’s fee in
the morning for servicing and they too will scarper, as they have to get to the
office/shop in the morning.
Now the “good girls”. Petal, you and your mates outside
the 7-ELEVEn don’t need to worry about this category, unless your surname is “Na
something” and you went to the best schools and your parents know her parents.
Graduating from the 7-ELEVEn academy is not quite select enough, sorry.
So there you are, Petals. There’s only two categories
available to you. Both of them will be economical with the truth and both will
cost you money! Helpful hint – you can pick up and put down a bar girl at will.
The sideliners tend to be more “clingy”. As we say here, “Up to you, Teerak.”
Can I believe her?
I came to Thailand for a two week holiday and met a young
girl, as you do. We got along well, so I paid for her company up till the day
before I left. That was when she started ringing me up and asking to see me,
saying she was in love with me. Even if she couldn’t be with me for my last
night she wanted to come and see me before the taxi picked me up. I felt bad
about this but all my mates told me to forget about her, but I kept on answering
her calls, but the mates stopped me from giving in, but I still felt bad about
it all. What do you think I should have done?
You forgot where you met this young lady who fell madly
in love with you after 10 days. You paid for her company, my Petal. It was a
business arrangement, not a matrimonial contract. By making you feel indebted to
her, she was much more likely to extract even more money from you, which is why
she wanted the face to face meeting, even on that last morning, you never know
what you can get, even if it is just what is left in your wallet. You don’t say
how old you are, but you are obviously a babe compared to the lady from the bar.
What should you have done? Just what you did do, and that was to cut the
relationship once the period of hire was completed. It was a short-time holiday
romance, and a paid one at that. Next time you come over, you will hopefully be
more mature, more wise and keep a tight hold on your wallet.