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Update August 2018

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Update by Natrakorn Paewsoongnern

Heart to Heart with Hillary


August 18, 2018 - August 24, 2018

Dear Hillary,

My ex has bobbed up again from somewhere. Last I heard she was in the States, but that was five years ago. There was lots of bad blood during the divorce so it knocked me off my perch when she bowls in just as if she was coming back from the shops. I haven’t got a permanent replacement, though to be honest she put me off women. Not that I’m into guys either. I said she could stay for a couple of weeks, and that was three weeks ago. What do I do next?



Dear Jeremy,

Why did she leave you? Was it because you could never make up your mind, my Petal? Show her the door and ask her to close it on the way out. If it’s company you want, buy a dog.


Dear Hillary,

Another Thai GF I fear. Moved in a month ago and she’s never there. Out every night, rolls back in 2 or 3 or sometimes even later. Reeking of cheap whisky. Asleep when I leave to go to work in the morning. All lovey dovey when I get back in the afternoon and we go out for a meal, then she nafs off again. Do they all do this?



Dear Barry,

You didn’t say how old you were, but I’ll guess that her age is late teens. You are just being used. Show her the door. Another one who needs a dog. The pound has got hundreds of them.

Dear Hillary,

I see a lot of girls in my local shopping center, and many are quite nice. I see them resting on the seats. I know you say we older farangs should stay away from the bars, but will I find Miss Right in the shopping center? Or do I have to lie about my age (I’m a pensioner) and go back to university? What should I do? I’m getting tired of being lonely.

Lonely Larry


Dear Lonely Larry,

What shower did you come down in, my lonely Petal? Must have been the last one. Will you find Miss Right waiting on the bench for you at the supermarket? No Larry, you will only find Miss Take there. Mistake if you talk to her and Miss Take all your money by the time you reach the checkout counter. These are freelance girls who can disappear very easily and you will never find where she went or came from (other than Aisle B next to the hot dog counter). At least Hello Sexy Man bar will still be there tomorrow, and the Mamasan knows the ID of her girls. As far as lying about your age, that’s not such a bad idea. I heard of one 70 year old chap, when seen walking down the street with a cute 17 year old, told his friends it was easy. “I lied about my age. I told her I was 90!” If you are getting really desperate, talk to the girls in the optical stores. They are all well dressed and university graduates. You must be needing glasses at your age, so you’ve got a good excuse for being there. Don’t despair, Larry. Just be nice to everyone you meet. Very soon someone will snap you up for whom you are, and not just to get their hands on your pension.


Dear Hillary,

I am a single, mature English lady who has lived in Pattaya for 3 months, why is it that you don’t see white ladies out with young Thai men, there are lots of old and young white men out with their Thai ladies or Thai men for the evening, but not the other way round. I know you can visit male go-go bars and get a handsome man for the evening but where do white ladies take their handsome Thai men, is it because Thai men don’t like to be seen out with white ladies? I would love to take a handsome Thai man out for a meal, a drink and dancing, and I’m sure there must be plenty of ladies like myself who would love to do this also, so how do I address the balance, any suggestions.



Dear Perplexed (of Pattaya),

Goodness me, my Petal, just where in England are you from? Some strange little village where the height of excitement is the Maypole dances, and that’s only once a year? What is stopping you taking your handsome Thai man anywhere? It certainly is not “because Thai men don’t like to be seen out with white ladies.” On the contrary, Ms Perplexed, in some areas a white English lady would be looked upon as a bit of a prize. I think you have some sort of psychological hang-up, and it is you who is afraid to be seen with a Thai man, not the other way round. As you say, there are plenty of male go-go’s and you don’t even have to go out of that locale to find a nice place to eat. Be brave, and let me know what happened after you took the public plunge! I am quite sure nobody will have thrown nasturtiums, or even aspersions.

August 11, 2018 - August 17, 2018

Dear Hillary,

I apologize for my not so good English. Here my problem. Is it possible that letters from Germany are not arriving at the right target? I meet a nice Thai girl on my last holiday and the friendship between us deepens. I write in the meantime several letters to my girlfriend and she write me back. And we have no problems until now. The last letter I wrote in June but getting no answer. Inside the letter I put 2,000 baht and some pictures. I called to my girl at the bar but she said there is no letter coming from me. What will I do? Your newspaper is my only help for my heartbreak situation. I talk with other people who stay in Thailand before and they tell me that some girls are simply lying. But I am really desperate and I only want to know what is true or not, because I love her very much. Have maybe somebody of the post staff stolen the letter or anybody else? So I want to know your meaning about this sadden situation. I thank you and I look forward to an answer from you.

Postal Pavel

Dear Pavel,

Don’t worry about your English as your emotions came through very plainly (and painfully too). Unfortunately, I have heard from many people that letters containing money go missing. The answer is to disguise the fact that there may be money in the letter by putting it inside a card or a small magazine. That way when the letter is held up to a bright light you cannot see the money inside. Perhaps it might also be better to save your money so that you can get over here more often, but really Petal, you should transfer money electronically, which you can do straight into her bank account. Ask your bank to do it for you in Germany. I don’t think your girlfriend is lying, nobody sends money in a letter any longer.


Dear Hillary,

With the new government regulations, I am a little perturbed. I have house guests coming from back home very frequently. I’ve had five sets this year and it looks like there are more coming for Xmas. If I had nothing else to do other than entertain old friends then it would be fine, but I am employed, so I have to do as well. I don’t want to give old friends the cold shoulder, and I don’t want to be arrested for running a guest house, but I’m at my wits end, honestly! What should I do?

Guesthouse Gert

Dear Gert,

Getting lots of house guests is a very common problem when you live in a place that other people save for 11 months to come and visit. It is also very normal for your old friends to want to see you, and possibly save some money by staying with you. As far as the legislation is concerned, that is to cover commercial enterprises, and I don’t think you are charging your old friends for staying in your spare room, are you? Or are you? You actually have the other answer already when you called yourself “Guesthouse” Gert. To make it easier for you and for them, tell your friends that as you have other work to do, you will leave everything out for them for their breakfast and then you will meet them for dinner at 7 p.m. and do things together from there. I am sure your friends will appreciate that even though they are on holidays, you are not. They need time to themselves too and will be grateful for the chances to explore on their own. Have some brochures in the room with suggested trips like the Nong Nuch and let them take it from there. They will be happy you can do your work, and you can enjoy each other’s company at night. Just think about it, but don’t get one of those nice wooden signs with “Gert’s Guest House” carved into it. The authorities might get the wrong impression


Dear Hillary,

My husband who works for a large multinational was transferred here 6 months ago, and the time has been sheer bliss till recently. We went to restaurants and did everything together. However, of late he has been going to Bangkok for business and having meetings running till late in the evening. I was prepared to accept these meetings till last week when the maid showed me lipstick on his collar. I do understand there are some beautiful women in Pattaya and I am 58 years old and have had 9 children. Do I confront him and fear the worst or just let it go?


Dear Terri,

You are still in residence as lady of the manor so maybe it is a matter of waiting it out. However, you should understand that a beer at the bar has young Thai women on duty to convince older men to buy them a drink. It may be more productive to state mildly that you prefer you both spend more time together and that the maid was unable to get the lipstick off his shirt. Certainly insist on accompanying him on any business trips to Bangkok. Good luck.

August 4, 2018 - August 10, 2018

ear Hillary,

I notice that most of the letters you get are from farang males who are complaining about what has happened to them in the bar scene. Surely they must see that there is a big difference between that side of Pattaya and the other side? If they were only to look past the end of their noses they would appreciate that there are some truly wonderful girls out there. I have been married to my Thai wife for four years now and there has never been a “bad moment” in all that time. She is beautiful, intelligent (a qualified accountant) and caring. I do not have to change the locks on my doors or worry that my suits will be cut up. She does not need ropes of gold to hold her in the marriage, or motorcycles, or houses. We have a partnership and mutual trust. Why don’t some of these men look for the “good” girls?


Dear Amazed,

There may be lots of reasons. One may be that the supply of “wonderful girls” is much less than the demand, so the single males gravitate to the good-time girls, of which there is a more than adequate supply. Look after your wonderful wife and buy her plenty of chocolates (you can send the champagne to me, Hillary, c/o Pattaya Mail) and continue to build on your mutual trust. Bar scene farangs generally are not looking past the end of their noses - it is some other part of the anatomy. By the way, which other side of Pattaya are you referring to? Surely not the Dark Side, I hope.


Dear Hillary,

I read with astonishment the letter written to your Dear Hillary column by my friend, Tully. Although truly a very dear friend, Tully hasn’t a clue. It is not my purple bank notes that the girls seek me out for, it’s a particular body part of mine. Known as the “best” in Pattaya it has become a legend in certain circles and although I can’t use it very often it has made me very popular in town.


Dear “Jerry”,

You and Tully sound quite a pair. Jealousy, intrigue, purple persuader finances, bar girls and unusable popular body parts. All the ingredients for another Stephen Leather exciting yarn. I shall let him know about you both. You can expect a telephone call. However, while waiting for the call, it would be interesting for you both to reverse your roles. Let Tully flash the purples, while you see whether the popularity of the best part continues. Do let Hillary know. It’s not often you can become part of a sociological experiment!


Dear Hillary,

My name is Oghale Lawrence, a member of the Presidential Task Force on Oil Spillage Clean-up. Early last year there was a major oil spillage in the Niger Delta Region of Nigeria. The contract was handled by a foreign firm but we decided to over-invoice the contract sum.

Now the contract has been completed and the original contractor has since been paid, but the contract balance of US$38 million has been left in a suspense account with the Central Bank of Nigeria. The problem is as government officials, we are not supposed to own fat bank accounts, talk less of having foreign ones.

We are soliciting your assistance as a foreign partner who can assist us and receive this amount into your account. We are ready to share this money with you. For providing the account where we shall remit this money, you will be entitled to 25 percent of the entire funds, 70 percent will be for me and my partners, while 5 percent has been set aside to cover any expenses that may be incurred by both parties during this transaction, both local and international.

Please I enjoin you to handle this transaction with utmost degree of maturity and confidentiality because I am still in active government service with the “Nigerian National Petroleum Corporation”.

Oghale Lawrence

Dear Oggie,

Sending uninvited “invitations” such as this to a newspaper is a sure-fire way to keep things confidential. However, Hillary is well aware of your particular scam, which has been doing the rounds for about 15 years. It works because people get blinded by the thought of 25 percent of 38 million USD (before you rush to the electronic calculator, it is 9.5 million), and it sounds as if you don’t have to pay out anything. You do, and Oggie and his mates would tantalize you with messages that there is only one more step, but they have to pay somebody off, so just send another X dollars for stamp duty, transfer, etc., and the money will be released. They, of course, cannot touch the 38 million because it is frozen until it is sent to your account, so are unable to pay the stamp duty themselves. Pattaya, if you haven’t seen one of these scam letters - there it is. Put it in the circular file immediately. Oh yes, Oggie, oil spillage is a great place for you, you slippery character.


HEADLINES [click on headline to view story]

August 18, 2018 - August 24, 2018

August 11, 2018 - August 17, 2018

August 4, 2018 - August 10, 2018



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