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Update May 2019


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Update by Natrakorn Paewsoongnern
 
 
 

Heart to Heart with Hillary

 

May 17, 2019 - May 23, 2019

Jerry to the rescue!

Dear Hillary,

Why do some of your readers want to pick a fight with you? You are doing your best and if they don’t like your advice they start complaining. Don’t these people know this is an entertainment page? Even so, your advice is pretty well on the mark.

Jerry

Dear Jerry,

Aren’t you just the sweetest man. But, Petal, I don’t let silly people worry me, especially when I know there are readers out there who understand what this column is about. These are readers with real problems, looking for confidential advice. Then, of course there are readers out there with a chilled bottle of bubbly wanting to send it to me. Use the Pattaya Mail’s address. Thank you for your support.

 

Forgive or take a walk?

Dear Hillary,

People forget when they are calling Thai women names, that cheating happens all over the world, not just in Thailand. How many who claim that they were cheated upon didn’t cheat themselves too? How does it go about throwing the first stone? I reckon that if you get cheated on you either forgive or take a walk. I did both – forgave her first time but she did it again, so then I took a walk. Should have done it the first time, I suppose, but we had been married for five years, and I thought everything was OK. Lost a heap of money, but you can’t live with a cheater I reckon these days. Should I try again with a new woman, Hillary?

Gerry

Dear Gerry,

You are still hurting, aren’t you. Are you sure you didn’t throw the first stone? It does sound as if you have finally made up your mind, so I hope it works out for you. You were obviously not happy where you were, but take your time in finding another lady for your life. They say a house is the most expensive thing you will ever buy in your lifetime, but it isn’t – it’s a wife, Petal. Tread carefully.

 

A real loser

Dear Hillary,

I’m at a loss here. My Thai GF loses things all the time. Keys, camera, and mobile phone. If you can carry it, she can lose it. If she goes out with her friends, you can be sure the next morning her phone is missing. I have spent hours checking with her friends, looking for a phone. She turns it off too, so you can’t ring her number. What is your suggestion?

Marty

Dear Marty

You should try and work out ‘why’ she loses things, my Petal. Have you ever considered the fact that your girlfriend is losing keys and telephones as a subconscious way of expressing her lack of satisfaction with the relationship or simply as a device to annoy you? It is very difficult, if not impossible to change someone else's behavior, unless you change your own behavior first. I suggest you change the way you respond to her. One quick fix is to either don’t let her see that it annoys you or simply don’t speak to her for days every time she loses things. The best way though is to “Give her the monkey and let her feed it.” This is a Thai expression for allowing her to take the consequence of her own actions. It might work.

 

Barefoot and pregnant

Dear Hillary,

I think my steady GF will be moving in shortly, and I’ve got no problems with that – other than the fact she can’t cook. You see, Hillary, I can’t cook either. Burn water if I try to cook it! Is there a cooking school round here anywhere that I could send her to?

Rab

Dear Rab,

Woman’s place is in the kitchen, barefoot and pregnant? That’s the message you’re giving me. I’m so glad to see that chauvinism isn’t dead. Look, Petal, there’s not much cooking required with milk and breakfast cereal and all other meals are catered for by the food carts at the street corner. Sounds to me like you are getting cold feet worrying about warm evenings.

 

Here today but gone tomorrow

Dear Hillary,

You are always saying that we should be looking for a mate anywhere away from the bars, but what if we’re not looking for a mate for the rest of our lives? I’m here for a couple of years at max, and I don’t need a wife dragging round behind me all over the world, as I don’t know where my next assignment might be. Nor do I need the additional expense of a wife or even live-in GF. All I need is home comforts while I’m here in Thailand, so surely the bar is the best place to find one? You have to agree.

Gus

Dear Gus,

So you are looking for a ‘comfort woman’, that’s fine, but, you have to understand that your lady who will supply those home comforts also realizes that this is a short term relationship with no real depth. That being the case, do not expect anything better than purchased comforts, and there is no reason to be ‘true’ in such an arrangement. These girls are very skillful at separating men from their money.


Update - Friday May 10, 2019 - May 16, 2019

Dear Hillary,

As you are such a knowledgeable person, could you please explain to me why Thai people always say things backward, for instance Bank book is said a Book bank, woodworm is said as worm wood and many others, also road marking for cyclist on the way to Silverlake are marked as Lane bike, not Lane for bike or Bike lane. I know we all get a little tongue tied, with or without a few bottles of bubbly.

UK Ian

 

Dear Ian UK,

It’s all in the adjectives, Petal. In Thai the adjective follows the noun, while in Pasa Angkrit, the noun follows the adjective. If asked for a book, you know what it is – a book. “Bank” tells you what kind of book, describing being adjectival. You have also complicated matters even further. Riding a bicycle in the proper lane, what word do you come to first? Bike or lane? You are riding in the lane bike, aren’t you? You are also Ian (noun) from UK (adjectival), and not UK Ian. Simple.

 

Dear Hillary,

I left my mobile at home when I went out to play golf. Unfortunately my Thai GF read the messages and is playing no-speaky. I am a little worried because I read in the Pattaya Mail of one annoyed Thai woman who stabbed her husband to death a couple of weeks ago. Is there any way to get the relationship back in order? We have two kids. I’ve counted the kitchen knives so I know if she is keeping any hidden somewhere.

George

Dear George,

You have just started to understand that a sweet little caring Thai girl can turn into an angry monster, especially if the monster is the green eyed jealous one. This is a very difficult situation, my Petal. You have two choices as far as I can see it. The first is to just continue as you are, putting up with the silence and wait for the anger to diffuse itself. This can take up to three months. The second is to call it quits right now, explaining that in the western world, this situation has gone on too long and you want her to forgive you and then you can go back to being a couple again. Only you can decide which choice is for you. And how much you are prepared to spend to get out of it.

 

Dear Hillary,

Is this green-eyed monster week? My problem is worse than George’s (see above). He is worried because she is not speaking to him. Mine is the opposite who screams and shouts at top volume. The quiet little lady has turned into a dangerous dervish. If it weren’t for the kids I would have packed my bag and left, but I can’t leave them in her crazy clutches. What is the next step?

Kerry

 

Dear Kerry,

Yes, you have a similar problem to George, but the children of the marriage does make your situation totally different. The next step is to settle everything with the kids, stay in touch with them and have nothing further to do with your ex. Ideally they are with you and she has access. Less than ideal for you is she becomes the custodial parent and you have access. Time for you to consult a good lawyer and not Agony Aunts.

Dear Hillary,

How do you know whether you are being ripped off or not? With all documents being in Thai, and some of the local customs and ways of doing things quite foreign to me, all I can go on is the amounts paid to girlfriends by my pub mates. It began as a few hundred baht here and there, no problems. However it has grown bigger and bigger and now it’s a few thousand each time, and that is over and above the monthly salary.

Harry

 

Dear Harry,

You are in a difficult position here. “Family” is important to a Thai and is one of the strongest bonds for the individual. Family keeps them together, family gets them over problems of all types, financial and otherwise. Your girlfriend may be returning money borrowed from before – in that time in her life B.H. - before Harry. She may also be helping her brother/mother/father/cousin (delete that which is not applicable) out of a jam. And on the other hand, she may be gambling with it, another very common Thai pastime. You really have to start communicating better with your girlfriend, Petal. If you want to know where the money goes, ask her. If it ends up in sulkiness or accusations, then it is time to review the entire relationship. I also worry about relationships where the “girlfriend/wife” is paid a “wage” each month. For what, Harry? For staying with you, putting up with you, or what? We call that having a “mia chow” (rented wife), and a master and servant relationship will always fail, in my experience.

  


HEADLINES [click on headline to view story]

May 17, 2019 - May 23, 2019

May 10, 2019 - May 16, 2019