Heart to Heart
We’re right into 2012 already and I reckon 90 percent of the New Year
resolutions will have been broken by now. I was going to give up the beer,
but that didn’t last past January 2. What about you, Hills old bean? What
resolutions did you make and break?
A little less of the “Hills old bean” if you don’t mind, Petal. Yes I have
already broken a New Year’s resolution too - and that was to ignore stupid,
crass and senseless people like you for the whole 12 months. I only lasted
a week, and here I am with sparks flashing from my eyes as I reply to your
drivel. I am going to make myself write out 100 times “I will not respond
to rubbish letters. I will not respond to rubbish letters. I will not
respond to rubbish letters. I will not respond to rubbish letters.” Whew,
four down, only 96 to go…
I have a gorgeous Thai GF who just lights up my life when I come over to
Thailand. I come three times a year and that’s all I think about when I’m
back Stateside. We email all the time and so we have good contact while I’m
away. What worries me is I don’t know if I’m the only one for her, like
she’s the only one for me. When my wife got an assignment out of town, I
changed my flight, bringing it forward a week, and this produced a strange
response, with her saying that she would be up-country visiting her family
that week, so she couldn’t meet me like usual at the airport. I came
anyway, but the other girls at her work (OK, she’s from a bar) said she had
another boyfriend. When she did show after a week, it was just like I’d
never been away, or that she was a week late. I never had doubts before,
but now I do. If I’m being strung along here I’d like to know. I send her
quite a few dollars every month, which is so she doesn’t have to turn tricks
while I’m gone. She assures me she just works as the cashier and doesn’t go
off. But I’m really starting to have doubts. How do I find out if she’s
stringing me along here?
You have not given me near enough information, but you did reveal that you
are married, and not to your Thai sweetheart, who works in a bar. What
makes you think you have a license to be unfaithful, but she can’t? She has
a far greater entitlement to having a string of boyfriends than you have.
In fact, you have a damned cheek to even suppose she has to remain
unattached because you send a few dollars each month. And I notice you
didn’t say just how many dollars you send. You can hire a Private
Investigator if you like, but could you trust one of those either? Face
reality, Petal. You have a part-time GF who lives in Thailand and who works
in a bar. What do you think she is doing there?
Can you help please. Do all Thai people ask you the most personal
questions? Things like “How much money you make? You married yet? Why
not? You got girlfriend? You want me to go with you?” Apart from the fact
that this is considered a very rude way of starting a relationship in the
UK, I also find it very embarrassing when I am over here. How do I get
these people to stop doing this? You seem to have the answers for everyone
else, so I hope you have some for me too.
Shy and Retiring
Dear Shy and Retiring,
Or is that Shy and Retired? You have to look at where are these women who
ask such direct questions. My bet is in a bar somewhere. Those are
bar-girl questions expressed while playing a game of Connect 4 (to see if
they can arrange a ‘connect 2’ later in the evening. Bar-girls are not in
the habit of issuing a gilt edged invitation to dinner, hand inscribed in Ye
Olde English. Be real and be thankful that ‘these people’ as you call them
are interested enough in you to even ask questions. There’s only one thing
worse than being a wall-flower at parties, and that’s not being asked at
all. In actual fact, my turtledove, those inquiries are very cleverly
designed “standard” bar girl questions to see if you are worthwhile
bothering with at all. If you have no money, all interest will be lost
immediately. Likewise if you are married they will want to know if “You
marry Thai?” or whether your partner is waiting faithfully for you back home
in the UK (or America - see letter above yours), while you contemplate the
unfaithful ideas. Lighten up and when you are asked next time just say, “No
money. Wife take all money to boy bar,” and then laugh a lot. They’ll get
the message and you will be left happily lonely, then you can write me
letters asking why does nobody talk to you!
Bit of daft advice that one Hills, keeping the crash helmet in the shopping
basket at front of the bike, this blocks off the headlight from oncoming
traffic, I get peed off nearly crashing into motor bikes because I can’t see
them coming because they have no front light, only to see as they pass that
they do have lights but they are completely obscured by bags of shopping.
Most of us have had M/C accidents here, I broke several bones by driving
into a large pothole, thought I was superman taking off, but I was wearing a
good helmet so head ok. Now I drive a car.
Dear Mr. John,
Can’t you see I was being sarcastic when I wrote, “Thailand is very hot and
helmets are hot to wear, so the best place for the helmet is in the wire
basket up front.” Goodness me, my Petal, do I have to write (humor, 5555)
after statements like that? (And for those overseas, the number 5 is spoken
as “ha”, so 5555 is Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha!) And despite the obscured headlights on
others, you managed to have an accident all on your own when you did not see
a pothole. The biter bit, I believe is the phrase. Anyway, I am glad to
hear you are back to your observant self, and stay away from motorcycles!
I think I have timed this right to wish you a Good New Year. Thank you for
all the fun and tongue in cheek replies, especially to some of the more
stupid questions you get. I don’t know why you don’t just tear them up (or
is it hit the “delete” button these days)? Anyway, have a safe and happy
Eddie and the boys in the Gulf
Dear Eddie and the boys in the Gulf,
Thank you for making my Friday, Petals, and yes you timed it perfectly to
get into the last edition for 2011. It went so quickly. Did you find it
the same? Shame that you have to spend the New Year’s Eve on a rig, but
think of the money you’ll get, and the headaches you won’t get.
Ever since my wife found Facebook this year, she spends hours and hours and
hours glued to the computer screen. She says she has to reply to friends
and last time I looked she had 3,985 “friends”. That’s impossible, she
hasn’t met 3,985 people in her life. She’s only 30 and that makes it about
140 a day. Friends are people you go down the pub with, not people you’ve
never met who bob up in a computer. How do I get her to stop this nonsense?
I’m sorry to say but there is nothing you can do about it, other than
forgetting to pay the electricity bill! Facebook is very popular and it
allows people to communicate with other “friends” all over the world. I
understand what you mean about “friends”, but you just have to get used to a
different meaning of the word these days. Mind you, I get the feeling that
your nose might be a little out of joint - are you feeling left out? Get
yourself a Facebook identity and secretly correspond with your wife. You
never know what you might find!
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